07/01/2008 I had a wetdream that made me orgasm and like every other orgasm in the past it was 2 short intense squirts that woke me up since it felt like I pissed myself but, all it did was cover my balls with a thick sticky clear cum.
02/21/2008 Sorry, I haven't been keeping up with the website since I didn't think anything exciting has taken place in a very long time. I also moved from Pittsburgh to NJ since I didn't wish to renew my job contract with my previous employer. Many emails have asked me the question when did I orgasm last and how it was stimulated so, I have decided to create a new page that just lists the date and what caused me to orgasm. When it cums to the wetdreams I won't go into any detail even if I do remember them since I always wake up once I shoot a load. The orgasm webpage link will be placed at the top of this page with the rest of the hover buttons. Over the past 2 years I have received many supportive emails and also emails from other men interested in having their own dicks cut off. I wish I could help them with names of men that have experience and skill to cut their cocks off but, I don't have any contacts to provide since this is still considered an illegal act in the sight of the law and medical business.
04/20/2007 My New toy from Fort Troff is their Dick Plug
November 2006 I had a visit from my local police department doing an investigation on my cutter. I haven't written about this subject since it was a subject I wanted to keep quiet about trying my best to protect him. Now that he is out and free again I think it's safe to add this paragraph. The police were given information and my friend was arrested back in March 2006 and spent a long time in jail since there is no such thing as a speedy trial in the United States. I was probably one of the last ones the cops contacted and I refused to answer any question directly or give names since I made the choice and ask my friend to cut off my cock for me, there was no coercion or force inflicted on me to have the penectomy. The police tried to get me to provide DNA which I also refused without a court order. After seeing I was healthy and not injured in anyway they left and made their report. Several months later my friend finally had his day in court and the judge convicted him of practicing medicine without a license and sentenced him to time served since there was no malice involved in the procedures he performed. I am very happy to say everyone that went to him for a procedure refused to turn on him and all seem to be very happy with his work and how they each looked now. But, since this happened many other cutters went deeper underground and are now very hard to locate and so many men are in need of a safe and secure way of being helped.
10/08/2006 Second orgasm ... Early this morning I was awaken by a surge of cum from a hot wet dream. In my dream I met up with a very cute short blond boy wearing a singlet, as we were making out I was taking my cock and rubbing it across his crotch and up his ass crack while he was still wearing his singlet. This is very odd for me to want to top but, this boy was so fucking cute and I was so horny I could resist pulling the singlet covering his ass to the side and rubbing the head of my cock over his tight boy hole. As my cock traveled up and down his crack the precum was so incredible that it was enough lube to slip my cock in and all the way up his tight hole. Once in I drove deep into that tight fuck hole and after a few deep strokes i began to take much shorter but fast strokes in his hole. I awoke at the same time my cum shot up out of my balls (in my dream) in that tight hole and I was afraid of the feeling thinking the wetness was piss and not cum, until I reach down and felt the slippery wet cum all over my nut sac.
05/18/2006 2145 hours EST Today marks an import event. I had my first orgasm since the penectomy and it was an odd pleasurable feeling after such a long time. The surprising thing about the experience was what made me cum, it wasn't from someone fucking me it was from someone walking in and sucking on my balls and piss hole while I was in the sling. the feeling of a tongue on my balls was so great the orgasm caught me totally by surprise and I honestly didn't know what it was I was experiencing.
04/28/2006 It seems I have several emails requesting I update my log. So here we go. I went for a follow up with the urologist so he could see how the urethra was healing and it looks good. the hole you see just above is where I piss from at this time, that picture was taken not long after the catheter was removed so it is not very pretty to look at. There is some maintenance the urologist wants me to do daily so the hole keeps it's size he thinks it may shrink up so keeping it stretched open by inserting a 16 french catheter or Sounds is what he wants done. Since everything looked good he was happy and he said I didn't need to see me for 6 months. Before I left I did mention the relocation idea but, I wasn't in a big hurry to have it done since I wanted to see how much I would have to pay after the cost of the surgery was submitted to the insurance company. This urologist doesn't want to do the relocation anyway and suggests I look for another doctor if I still want the urethral relocation done. Now I know many of the readers of this page want to know how is my sex life. The good news is there are many guys that want to hook up with me the bad news is all these guys are all over the country and the world but, not here in Pittsburgh. I have had some great nights in Columbus, Ohio at Club Flex. The guys here in Pittsburgh that I have come in contact on the web with want to be modified and most of them want to be castrated and a couple of the guys want a penectomy and honestly these guys are really cute looking boys. But, finding a man that will do the modification is very hard to find and with some of the recent events has become even harder.
03/09/2006 This was my post op exam with the urologist and the catheter was removed. During my visit he was pleased with what was done but, also mentioned that a relocation would be the ideal way to go. He even went and described how another operation would be required and how an incision behind my ball sac would be made and the urethra would be brought to the surface and stitched to the skin, this would then allow me to piss sitting. He figures we should wait since I've had so much done in the last couple months. My next visit to the Urologist is in two weeks.
02/27/2006 I'm doing ok the doc was able to open the area up in the front of the crotch and expose the urethra but for the next 10 days I'll be using a catheter. It was a long day mostly spent waiting the actual procedure only took an hour and about 40 minutes in recovery but, I was able to drive home. I used a co-worker to stop by and help me get out once I was out the door I thanked him and went to my truck and drove home.
02/20/2006 The hospital called Thursday 2/16/2006 while I was home for lunch to remind me of the scheduled surgery on Monday 2/20/2006 to my surprise, the Urologist's office never called me to confirm any dates like they said they would. I was able to get in touch with Urologist's office and get another date scheduled so, now I go into the operating room on Monday 2/27/2006 for the exploratory surgery we discussed the last time I was in his office.
01/19/2006 So many have asked how do I piss well here are some pictures to show where the piss hole is and until I get a more permanent piss hole I always keep a nail near by to keep the hole open.
12/31/2005 I spent the night at a Columbus Ohio Bath House since it was New Years Eve and I really had no plans for the night. So many guys have asked me to tell them what sort of reactions I was getting from men once they saw my and felt my dickless crotch and here is what happened. Once inside my room I undressed, turned to light down and opened the door just laying on the bed totally nude. It wasn't long after I arrived that someone walked into my room and just started to stare at my naked crotch. At first I thought he was disgusted but, then he closed the door behind him and started using his hand to feel my crotch. I guess this excited him enough to pull off his towel so I could start sucking his dick. He stayed in my room for at least a half hour if not 40 minutes and during this time I just sucked on his cock and balls and he would just use his hand or foot to rub my empty crotch. He then left and I turned the lights off in my room, still naked with the door open. Now a few guys walked in and since it was so dark the first thing they would do was start reaching for my crotch, these guys wanted to suck my dick, I just let them feel around my crotch and when they came up empty they left without saying a word. Boy were they disappointed and confused and I just smiled and quietly laughed as they walked away. Hours passed and finally another interested guy walked in and shut the door this guy wanted to just lick my crotch, balls and suck on my piss hole. This felt good to me since I have never experienced a mouth on my crotch before. he eventually left and not much more happed after that even when I went and took a shower in the main shower of the bath house. It amazed me how guys can see something but say absolutely nothing to me about it. I don't know if they did this because they didn't believe what they saw or they were afraid of being rude. Happy New Year .. I now start off 2006 with a new look and hopefully some very exciting new experiences.
12/27/2005 Today's visit to the shrink went well, I'm happy to report that I am not crazy or insane and I do not need to see him again. Since my health insurance was paying the bill the shrink said he needed to put something down on the worksheet and he said he was going to say my symptom was mental readjustment. I really hope this doesn't come back to haunt me in the future. We actually had an interesting discussion and I found out he was schooled in Los Angles, CA and understand that Pittsburgh isn't the most liberal or open minded city in the country. He also sees this procedure as a bit of a threat to what the locals see as the norm and that's where men are men and they want larger thick dicks, not men that want to lose their dicks or shorten them.
12/22/2005 This was my third visit to the urologist and boy was he surprised when I said I was pissing on my own through the small hole I created after my last visit to his office. What he said after I told him was "I dodged a bullet" this was because he really believed I was going to need urethral reconstruction and that was going to be some major expense and work since only a few Doctors could do such work. Now that I dodged the bullet and I was able to pee on my own I had to point out the small hole in the front of my crotch where it was coming out, this hole wasn't very big since I wasn't able to really make a good cut on my own. Today the urologist was actually fairly helpful and he decided to try and stretch the hole open some more using some small metal probes and a stiff plastic rod. I push it down I could feel a little pressure but no pain as he probed looking for the actual urethra. I am not really sure how deep he was able to go since I didn't have a good view but, he didn't think he was getting into the urethra. He stopped probing and had me try and piss after pumping my bladder with water through the catheter and of course since the pushing and probing I had some blood with a very small amount of urine. It was very tough for me to push it out at this time, this seemed so odd since for the last two weeks my bladder let me know I had to pee and just shot out on it's own. Now he was willing to remove the super public catheter which I really wanted done and was my ultimate goal for this visit. OK, now I'm pissing and the catheter is out so the doctor is ready to start discussing the next step. Now he asks me if I would want to go under the knife again on the operating table so he could open the area up some more and place in a larger catheter down the urethra into the bladder so that any strictures could be healed up and the urethra and hole would be much larger than what I have at the moment. I thought this was the best thing since the piss hole was a bit small and it really wouldn't be safe to allow it to be so small and any small particle could close it off quickly. So, now my next urologist appointment is January 9, 2006 (this Appointment was Postponed until Feb 2006) and I go on the operating table, this means I see the shrink on Tuesday Dec 27, 2005. Now I head back home and I decide to do a little more work on my hole on my own and I take a small stiff metal wire and push it through the piss hole and just twist it around and I am able to pull some of the dead skin over the hole off, not much but boy did it make a difference my piss stream is so much stronger and larger than it was earlier in the day. This was a very good day for me.
12/06/2005 So far so good I am still pissing out the stump in the front of my crotch. I'll see if I can't capture a picture of the urine flowing out the front soon.
12/05/2005 Today's visit to the urologist wasn't very beneficial. The more I see this man the more I believe it's time to try and find another more aggressive urologist. He filled my bladder up with saline solution and had me try and piss while he took X-rays. This was to see if where the urine was trying to flow. The X-rays where useless they didn't show anything. Last week I remember the discussion we had on this test and he said he was going to inject a blue die. After he was finished I looked at my leg bag and saw no blue coloring in the urine so, I don't have a clue if this test was done properly. I did explain to the Urologist how I felt urine pushing up through my urethra and pointed out the small bulge where the urine seemed to be going to but, the urine was stopped by the skin that healed over top of the urethra in the stump. When he took a look at it all he said was that it was possibly an infection and that I should go home and take water and soap and see if I could not soften it up and allow the infection to drain out. He wouldn't take the time to open it up in his office and check for himself to insure it wasn't infected. At this point I couldn't wait to get home because I was going to use a knife and open it up for myself because if it was infected I could not allow it to do any more damage. In the back of my head I knew it was an infection but, urine that created this bulge. No sooner did I get home than I grabbed a knife and began poking into this bulge and yes I did get some blood from cutting into the skin and finally I poked a hole through and what drained out was urine a nice light yellow colored urine. I just let it drip and drain out all over the bathroom sink and the floor. This was such a relief because I just knew my stumps urethra was working properly and permitting urine to exit the bladder. Just to insure I was correct I started drinking tea in order to fill my bladder up and I shut off the catheter valve so no urine would exit into the leg bag. As I suspected when I had the desire to pee I just allowed the piss to go up and out the urethra. I was only able to put a small hole into the skin so when the piss came out it flowed out in a small streak but, that was enough to make me happy. I just knew what I felt but did the Urologist listen or even try to follow up by opening the area up for himself... Hell No... I am now losing all faith in this man's competence he seems like a nice guy but, doesn't take the time or effort to do any in depth analysis. For anyone that wishes to do this I can only suggest locating and be prepared to contact a competent and aggressive Urologist for your local after care should you need it. I can't real suggest how to locate one, I was hoping when I went to the hospital ER that they would have someone on staff that was good at what he or she did.
11/28/2005 Where to begin... Today was the first appointment I had with the urologist since my night in the ER last Monday. It seems he is not sure what to do. He has very limited experience with something like this and is requiring me to see a Shrink, if I don't see the Shrink he will refuse to continue helping me. So I agreed since I have very little other choice. I must also say in today's atmosphere he is also very gun shy of having a lawsuit brought against him. This only shows how sad our medical system is in the United States. But after agreeing to see the Shrink he does have a idea where we should start. He first wants to see where my urine is going and hopefully the urine will be heading up the urethra towards the end of the still existing cock that is just covered by the stitched together skin. If he can locate the urethra he will then attempt to reopen and insert a catheter through the urethra and into the bladder. The catheter will stay in for a week or two to allow the urethra to heal. After the urethra is healed he will then decide whether it will be possible try and perform a reroute. The reroute will depend on how much of a restriction I have. The restriction is what seems to be my biggest road block for this whole procedure. During my visit with the urologist he continued to keep asking me to give the name of the man that did this to me. He was also very surprised that people are will to do body modifications and he showed some shock when I explained how many people can and will do stubbing. Pittsburgh may be considered a city but, it is at least 15 to 20 years behind most coastal cities. My final thoughts for this entry is that I am still alive, breathing and continue to go about my daily activities and I am disappointed but, I refuse to allow these set backs to cause me to feel depressed. I chose to lose my dick and I knew I would have to learn to live the rest of my life dickless.
11/23/2005 After removing the catheter Saturday afternoon 11/19/2005 everything seemed to be going well I was drinking a lot of liquids and pissing through the new hole. As the day progressed the hole was slowly closing and I took this as being a natural healing process and I was still able to piss. Early Sunday morning I went to the bathroom to piss and the pressure of the piss pushed a very fine stream out through the front of my crotch where my dick was removed and the stitching was. To be honest I was so afraid and felt so alone at this point I passed out for a short time. When I became conscious again I went back into bed hoping everything would work out on Sunday morning. After waking up I went into the bathroom and placed my finger over the front of my crotch and pressed down as I pissed this helped force the piss out through the piss hole again things looked good. I was able to catch up with my laundry and ironing on Sunday. In the back of my head I continued to debate about going to the Hospital ER since I realized I needed some local expert advice and help. Sunday comes and goes and Monday rolls around and the start of another work week, I wake up I piss again pushing down on the front of my crotch and the piss come out the hole. At work I started researching the local yellow pages for a Urologist and made a phone call to one group, what I was told is that I needed at least a 30 days to schedule an appointment. This is when I realized my only option for help was to go to the local hospital ER. At work I took my last piss of the day at 9am by the time I came back from lunch the hole was closed and I waited until after work at 4am and headed off to the local hospital ER. At the ER one needs to explain the problem before you can see a doctor and get put on a list. I explained I had a body modification that had complications to get my name on the list. Once I was called in to get more details of my problem I explained I had my dick removed and the first question I was asked "Was this for a sex change procedure?" Of course my answer was No ... I wasn't happy with my dick and I wanted it gone. The ER nurse took this answer and told me to just tell the girls at the admittance desk that I was having a urinary problem and they didn't need to know anymore than that. I was sent back out to the waiting room for a nurse to call me into an examination room which wasn't very long. In the exam room I explained the entire story again and the ER doctor was brought in. The ER doctor called the Urologist on call for advice and he suggested they reinsert a catheter but, the catheter wouldn't go in do to internal scar tissue. The ER doctor called for the Urologist who then proceeded to get me into the Operating Room so he could use a scope to see if he could get the catheter in. Since I was completely under for the procedure I have no idea what was being said or done. When I awoke in the recovery room around 10:30pm it was explained to me that he had to insert a catheter through the front of my crotch in order to drain the bladder and to make an appointment with his office for Monday. Since I am all alone I had to spend the night and was discharged at 9am Tuesday morning. So off I went to work a little late and in some pain but, back behind my desk with a catheter and leg bag trying to act as if nothing happened.
11/11/2005 My crotch was still slightly swollen and I am still wearing diapers to protect my clothing from the healing process which consists of some bleeding and this yellow oozing liquid which helps heal the tissue. What I was also getting was some leakage from the front of my crotch through the incision was made. This leakage looked and had a strong urine smell so I called the man that did the work for advice and he said it could not be urine since the catheter was still in. He wasn't really able to help or advise me in what to do his best advice was to keep the catheter in for 3 weeks. Which in my next entry you will see I think 3 weeks wasn't enough even if I added on the 2 days I should have kept it in for 4 or 5 weeks.
11/1/2005 - 11/10/2005 I stayed with the man that did the work until Sunday 11/6/2005 at which point I packed up put on a clean diaper and started my 9 hour drive home. Before I left I was instructed to keep the catheter in for three weeks for those that know catheters it was a 12 French. During all this time the soreness I was feeling was from my balls they really hurt but they also need to heal and absorb the scar tissue. The best I can describe the sore feeling is hanging a 50 pound weight from your balls and letting it swing back and forth for a few days. The pictures of my balls above at 2 weeks are actually very good the balls are healing very quickly. The scar tissue on the ball sac is where it appears to be a groove in the front, as some guys that have seen the pictures say it looks like a pussy. I wouldn't know what a pussy looks like since I have never seen one in my life. I need to get some new pictures up soon.
10/31/2005 The procedure was performed it was a long night and all I had to dull the pain was injections to numb the area being worked on. The question I am always asked is did I feel pain and did I feel my dick being cut off and the answer to both questions is Yes. Yes, I did feel pain even though he did his best to minimize the pain by numbing more are I was still wide awake and feeling it happening. The most pain I really hated was the feeling of the needle being stuck into my cock and the head of my cock. After that the pain was basically the cutting of a some nerves and the feeling my dick and root were being yanked out of my body. The dick was removed within 45 minutes which was so much quicker than I thought it would happen. The hardest part of the night for me was getting the catheter in through the new hole and into the bladder.
My Dickless crotch after 2 weeks
